Regenapause our menopause

As I approached my late ’40’s I didn’t give the menopause any thought, I was blasé and thought it would be easy, it was not!

The dawning realisation, that I couldn’t side step this one! If you are aligned with yourself, job, relationships and soul self before the menopause then this time can come and go like a gentle song.  If on the other hand you have been resistant to the little voice that nudges for change, this time can take you down. The armour that was rigidly held just to fit in, started to crumble, the shedding and burning away of all that was not me.

It has dismantled my identity, being ok without a title, a job, a narrative of worldly success, being ok with falling off the map of visibility, to live without the usual scaffolding, I am humbled by this process and the arrogance and indifference I felt pre-menopausal.  Menopause has become a real ‘Pause’, it has kept bringing me back to a space of listening, being ok with uncertainty.  Time and time again I am brought to what was in-front of me, a complete surrendering to what life wants now, in this moment, in this space, rather than some mythical future.

So who’s values was I living by? And as I answered this question, the dawning awareness of betraying myself in a huge way.  The colossal amount of life-force energy that I have expended to try and fit into cultural norms, usually based on old patriarchal values. Now as I begin to feel these old values release from me, bizarrely I see releasing around me in the collective.  And I do wonder if the human collective is not going through its own huge menopausal moment, a breakdown of old outdated structures.

Navigating the deconstruction has been the biggest ever workout, it’s had me on my knees, it’s only now almost 3 years into this process that I am questioning could it be that menopause has always been on my side? Now I’m beginning to see it has helped me to deliver myself back to myself and what is important to me, the subtle invisible realm, the quantum field of expanding consciousness, and the void of all possibility, these are now my fertile playgrounds….

I now have a lot more to say, I don’t feel the need to fit into a system that frankly is not serving many people.  Bizarrely I am now grateful for the whole process, I am in awe of how our bodies hold such wisdom and how this is a divinely timed alchemical process, has helped me reflect, regenerate and disentangle myself from the matrix.